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October 11, 2005

Unicef War Crimes

So, let me get this straight: Unicef wanted to call attention to war crimes, so it carpet bombed the Smurfs? (I had read about this earlier, but the picture just makes it so much more interesting.) So let me get this straight: according to Unicef, actual atrocities are beyond our willingness to grapple with, but killing Smurfs, man, that'll bring on the peace movement full bore.

Yeah, that'll comfort those the UN has abandoned in places like Rwanda and Darfur and the Balkans.

UPDATE: Rusty Shackleford at Jawa Report has links to the full video. Kinda makes you wonder what other adult-only Smurf films might be coming. (I feel dirty for even typing that.)

UPDATE: I wish I were this funny:

Don't let war affect the lives of Smurfs.

To that I say, "Why the hell not?" What has their merry little hippie commune given the world anyway? The sing, they dance, they do shrooms, and they smurf that little tart Smurfette in her smurf day in and day out. And don't even get me started on that gray-haired know-it-all. I think we can all agree it's been a long time coming for someone to give Smurf Village the "Belgian Congo" treatment. Who better to kill in cold blood than Belgians? If only they weren't blue, but black, I bet the Belgians would really get a thrill.

Honestly, I don't think they went far enough here. Bombs from the sky? C'mon, how about some nice poison gas? You know, the kind Saddam "Completely Innocent" Hussein used to choke Iranian and Kurdish tykes in their own bodily fluids? I won't be happy until Brainy Smurf blisters yellow from mustard gas. Okay, I guess technically he'd turn green, what with that "yellow and blue make green" bit going on.

And really, if you're going to go this far, go whole hog. I want a sequence of Gargamel riding a chopper door with a '60, yelling "Do the whole fucking vil! Do the whole fucking vil!"

A little joke: how do you tell the difference between enemy Smurfs and friendly Smurfs? You fucking don't, you peacenik. If they run, they're Smurfs. If they stand still, they're well-disciplined Smurfs.

Man, I hope this concept catches on. I want napalm spattered across Teletubbies. I want Lazytown firebombed. I want those pigfucking Wiggles eaten from the inside out by cockroaches like E.G. Marshall at the end of Creepshow.

Okay, so that last one has nothing to do with warfare. It's just my own personal affectation.

Posted by jeff at October 11, 2005 8:01 AM

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» Neocon Agenda: Bomb. Smurfs. Now! from The Jawa Report
In the time it took to write this post, Richard Perle and other prominent Neo-smurf Zionist smurfs at the Defense Policy Smurf, planned to smurf Smurf children with thousand pound smurfs. Meanwhile, smurfs at Haliburton grow richer off the... [Read More]

Tracked on October 11, 2005 8:18 AM

» Neocon Agenda: Bomb. Smurfs. Now! from The Jawa Report
In the time it took to write this post, Richard Perle and other prominent Neo-smurf Zionist smurfs at the Defense Policy Smurf, planned to smurf Smurf children with thousand pound smurfs. Meanwhile, smurfs at Haliburton grow richer off the... [Read More]

Tracked on October 11, 2005 8:21 AM

» UNICEF does Gargamel's dirty work for him from Tel-Chai Nation
Well it looks like UNICEF's been doing the Smurfs' incompetent archnemesis Gargamel a favor: they bombed the Smurf village, presumably by using time-warp devices to send rockets back in time to the 18th century, which is approximately the time period... [Read More]

Tracked on October 12, 2005 5:14 AM

Comments

Posted by: Brian Medcalf at October 11, 2005 12:00 PM

Posted by: Roderick Reilly at October 11, 2005 3:39 PM