In My World

Right Wing News has compiled a great set of quotes from IMAO's "In My World" posts. He misses a couple of my favorites, so here they are:

"I would point out," said another reporter, "That just because someone has a Communist viewpoint, doesn't mean they should be shot."

Rice then pointed the gun at him and pulled the trigger. "It works!"

"One less Commie," Rumsfeld laugh. "Damn, I hope we finish this Iraq thing soon; I miss killing Commies. Remember when I strangled one in Nam?"

"Yeah, that was last year," Rice answered, "Caused a bit of media firestorm."

"Hey, if God didn't want us killing Commies, he wouldn't have given them necks fit for strangling."

"We still have questions," interrupted one reporter.

Rice pointed the gun at the reporter and pulled the trigger - an empty click. "Fine, what?"

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"So you think this will bring peace to the Middle East?" Bush asked.

"I really don't give a rat's ass," Sharon answered, "I just wanted to see Arafat fired out of a cannon."

"We all did," Bush said with a smile as he patted Sharon on his back, "We all did."

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"In other news, North Korea is now actually launching nuclear missiles at us, and we still don't give a rats ass. We now turn to our expert..."

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"I just want assure everyone that the Belgians have not captured the president," White House Press Secretary announced.

"My question was about the tax cuts," said the befuddled reporter.

"Whatever." Ari took a big drink from his flask of whiskey. "Oh, and if anyone is mountain climbing and happens to see the vice president, please give us a call."

"You lost the vice president on some mountain top?" exclaimed one reporter.

"I did not say that," Ari answered, "Why do you people always have to read into everything I say?" Ari took another big drink of whiskey. "God, how many more days do I have to do this."

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"Do I have to sit next to Tom Daschle?" Bush complained.

"Yes," Laura answered, "if Donald's going to make the best effort not to strangle anyone, then the least I can do is not put him next to Tom Daschle."

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"Buck, why don't you tell them what you have to do to become a Marine," the teacher suggested.

"Certainly. You have to go through boot camp. There they will put you through hell. They will break down your body. They will break down your mind. They will break down your spirit. You will beg for mercy. You will not get it. You will beg for death. It will not come. If you survive - and I mean 'if' - you will be a Marine. Then you can kill foreigners. So who wants to be a Marine?"

The kids just stared at him bewildered, none of them raising their hands.

"What are you all? Fags?"

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"Alright. I have to keep the world from imploding, since the rest of the countries are a bunch of idiots. The worst is France. How can I describe this to you... France is kinda like that kid in class everyone hates who reminds the teacher to give out homework." He then pointed to a geeky looking kid wearing glasses. "Probably that kid; he's France."

"But without homework," the kid responded, "how are we going..."

"Quiet, France. I'm tired of dealing with you."

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All of sudden Laura started shivering. "Why does it suddenly feel so cold in here?"

"Hello," said Hillary Clinton, walking down the school hallway.

Posted by Jeff at September 20, 2003 12:07 AM | Link Cosmos