Too Much Information

I got a vasectomy last Friday, and wanted to share a few things I learned, that may not be obvious to those considering the procedure.

I will now pause so that everyone who really doesn't want to see this can whistle on by.

OK, first, do not search Google for the terms "depilatory" and "scrotum." Especially not at work. You will learn way to much about lifestyle choices you likely have not made, since you are considering getting a vasectomy. Worse, this information will be useful. To summarize the useful bit: Nair works fine for this purpose, and if you are afraid of letting sharp blades anywhere near your genitals, it's a good choice. But it can give you a chemical burn, so be sure to rinse it off exactly when the directions recommend that you do so. Be thorough.

Do not mention the bit about Google searches while your doctor has sharp blades near your genitals. He will laugh. This is a bad thing.

Cauterization of the cut ends of the vas deferens produces a smell like burning plastic. That was odd.

They won't use stitches unless they have to make two separate incisions. This is a good thing, but it means that you need to be very sanitary until the hole closes up on its own. This takes about 24-48 hours. Sometimes a little longer.

If you send email to your team at the office, noting that you will be out Friday and for the weekend having and recovering from a minor surgery, you will be advised to walk slow and use ice packs. This is good advice, by the way. Everybody gets vasectomies done on Friday, apparently, and it generally takes over the weekend to be mostly recovered. If you don't feel like discussing it, send a more generic message than noted.

The ability to stand up and sit down without concentration is a great blessing.

Do not make a quip to your wife that this makes up for even one birth she's gone through. Just trust me on this one.

It's probably not as bad as you fear. It is as strange as you likely expect, though.

Posted by Jeff at September 15, 2003 03:57 PM | Link Cosmos