One-Sixteenth

I think it may be a teen thing. DD (8) loves playing with
any children. When we go to my moms for a few days, she gets to hang out with 10 and 12 yo girls. It's almost like I have to reprogram her when we get home. Usually, when she meets random children when we're out, it's boys who want to talk to her the longest because she's into anime, trading cards, etc.

And I agree. I think the class should be integrated.

It's those damn teachers. Only recourse is to do it yourself. ;)

Well, I know of a couple of teenage girls (my dd will be one in a few weeks...:sigh:) that wouldn't think of acting like that. Sweetest kids you've ever seen.

And I know some preteen girls whose behavior would curl your hair. :-/

I also know lots of boys who would probably do the same thing you described, though, lol.

IMO, the classes should either be integrated, or separate. I mean...what's the point of separating into gender?

Personally, I don't think issues like this are boy/girl...they're individual (or in some cases, clique) problems that should be dealt with as such.

Or, maybe you didn't have that problem in Texas because Texas is the second best place in the world, next to (light shines from the sky and harp music plays...)...Oklahoma.

(Sorry, a little homesick.)

I don't mean to imply that this is a girl problem. I know well that boys can act snotty and stupid like that as well. And they may well be doing so in this class, but since I get the report from my *boys*, well, that aspect *might* not come out readily. Heh heh.

I guess what I'm wondering is this: Are we seeing these attitudes because that's just what you get with older kids, no matter where you are or how the class is set up? Is this behavior somehow less prevalent amongst homeschoolers in Texas, i.e. is it a geographical difference? The teachers in Texas were very big on respectful behavior and good sportsmanship, so is that the difference, and would the Texas kids have acted like that without that kind of class structure?

At what point do you see your kids getting all weird about boys and girls playing together? At what point do you see the "Girls rule boys drool" attitude (or vice versa). Is it inevitable because it's all hormone based? Or are there actually teens who grow up without acting like that?

In other words, do I watch it and talk to the teacher if it sounds to me like things are getting ridiculous? Or do I recognize that this is just how the age is, and help my boys cope with it to the best of their ability?

" The teachers in Texas were very big on respectful behavior and good sportsmanship, so is that the difference, and would the Texas kids have acted like that without that kind of class structure?"

I think you have it there - if the teacher is not making those issues a priority, then it is not going to happen. Preteens are like big 2 year olds. They want their own way all the time, and even the sweetest among them will have trouble bucking a trend if not supported from the adults in the group. I'd approach the teacher and ask if they could maybe divide up so the teams have mixed gender, and then make the teen girls (and boys) the "leader" of that group, stressing the need to encourage and build up their team mates and everyone playing. I think it's a big issue because they aren't doing those girls any favors by letting them act that way.

Our girls gymnastics classes are integrated though the often divide into groupings for specific skill work (boys have different competition/strength activities: parrallel bars and double rings vs girls more on beams and uneven bars for instance). And our coaches DO NOT TOLERATE and therefore do not see whiney or sexist behavior. We just don't see it. They are all athletes working hard and pansy a$% name calling is not tolerated (hello, my name is Cath, mother and hyprocrite). We do some of this behavior at a church (not my church) Children's Group that the girls attend on Wednesday nights. Game teams are gender-segregated, environmental is keyed up and near out of control. I watched aghast at the beginning but the girls were first disgusted by the (in this case belligerent boy) behavior and now have attenuated to it WITHOUT taking on the behaviors so I am content for the moment and think there is a lesson to be learned by tolerance when the behavior is keyed up and not something where being silent means becoming a by-stander (there is no bullying, no one is being specifically demeaned). That said, I don't plan to return to this Children's Group when school gets out. There are too many positive activities vying for our time, we don't need to be around this sort of behavior.

So God-bless-Texas but it is also true that out here in California respect and sportsmanship are also expected and even when things are hormonal and keyed up, mean behavior is not ok.

I don't think it's a teen thing. I think it's a societally projected teen thing, and when an adult in a position of responsibility anticipates and accepts it as "normal", then that adult is going to foster it. Perhaps not even intentionally, but by allowing it to take place, by setting the children gender-to-gender on a regular basis (I'm w/ Jill on that point, definitely - either integrate, or make it separate, but what's the point of pitting them against one another like that?), the adult-in-charge is giving tacit consent to the children that this is how it works.

I might not have felt so strongly about that ten years ago, but now, yes. I've seen it at our church - the kids are stunningly well-behaved to one another, regardless of gender, regardless of activity. Why? Because that's what's expected. Same thing w/ our homeschool circle of friends. We clicked w/ them b/c their expectations are similar, and the children fall within those boundaries. Sure, there's the occasional foray into the "what if I try THIS?" But that's what children do, and the correct response is for an adult-in-authority to respond immediately, let them know *what* happens, and move on. That's what we're supposed to do... isn't it?

OK. I'm done. You've had me on a roll w/ my stoopid runaway comments all week.

Dy

My experience as a girl scout leader of preteens is that often there are a couple of girls who will push it to see what they can get away with. Again, depending on the adult in charge either it ends quickly or the other girls feed off it (and hey if they are getting away with it why wouldn't *I* try too?) I have zero tolerence and the girls think I'm mean, but that is fine by me, because they also know that my treatment is fair across the board.

I guess I would talk to the teacher and if nothing changes I'd move on to a different group.