One-Sixteenth

Community/family vs. finances. That's a toughie. In the past I've been one to follow the "finances" path - no more kids, save/invest, etc. Has it been good for us? Financially, sure. Short of being stupid, we're in pretty good shape all the way through Michelle's college. Do I have regrets? Definitely. No siblings, a community that isn't totally ideal for her, etc. I still wonder if we could do better in another part of town, but I'm not totally convinced it's worth it to just pick up and move across the metroplex for a "maybe".

I guess the real question is whether your finances are more or less resilient than the family. If the the upheaval is too much to handle for everyone, then it may not be worth it. Frankly, Griffin worries me a lot on that score - he didn't react well to the last set of moves from what I remember.

If the kids and family will bounce back easily in a few weeks/months, though, then it's a no-brainer: spend a bit less time on school/activities, and start packing.

LOL, well, I haven't lived near family or siblings in forever. They're across the country.

But Mark, you and I are very different people. There would be very little issue to me moving across the Metroplex for a better community; I don't see that as a big deal at all, especially if it was what I thought was best for my child. You're still in the same job, same area, same support network. Very little risk in that beyond the financial impact of the move itself.

In fact, one of the reasons we want to follow the finances is because once we're out of debt, we can choose the house and community that is best for our children - and we'd like to be able to do that before they're teenagers and looking at leaving the house.

You are set financially, but we are not.

Griffin had more issues than the other kids when we went to Chicago. He needs a great deal of control in his life. But hey - having his Daddy gone at intervals he doesn't understand doesn't do much for him in that area either. He needs stability and having Jeff breeze in and out of our lives doesn't really do that for him. Or for me.

No, the problem is that I can't get my head in the right place, and that these feelings about the house and the community are new ones, ones I've never had the opportunity to experience. The feelings are difficult. And I've got to get my brain in gear and can't seem to. I don't want to go, and I don't feel like going, so I'm whining, because it has never been an issue before. When have you ever known me to turn down a move? ;-)

Well, let's lay it out. The odds are that this contract will go for at least a year, and 2-3 years is not at all out of the question, if I'm in Detroit. If not, it will go another few months: it's just too hard to coordinate this kind of job remotely.

Our house is too small, and we have to move. We had just had our second child when we moved in; now we have four children, and the oldest is going to be 10 in a few weeks. (!!!!!!)

If we move across town to a bigger house now, we are looking at the possibility of moving to a larger house coinciding with finding a new contract, which might or might not be in the DFW area and might or might not be stable, long-term, or as profitable as this contract is. That is to say, we might end up having our house ready to sell, then having to leave town in any case for a job, or have me continue to travel.

If we move to Detroit, we can fix up our house and sell it in a more leisurely manner, and should have a capital gain of about $30000, even after fixing up the house (which will be expensive if we use contractors, which we shall have to do for most of the work). This, combined with the saving of significant money by not maintaining the house while we are gone, gives us a tidy little sum in the bank for when the contract ends, at which point we will be able to get a new place with land and a house large enough for the children, where and how we want it.

The downside of moving to Detroit is that we will not be an hour away from the Lindsays and a few minutes from the Beechels and Gees and twenty minutes from the Alexanders — at least until the contract is over. We will have to find new friends like Will and Cody for the boys and we will have to find a new Scout troop and new music teachers and new physical activities. There are a lot of things that will be harder than just trooping off to Calgary for 6 months or Chicago for a year.

But let's face it: weigh up the two and decide which is better, and there is not any way I can see that moving is the worse of the two possibilities.

Oh ((honey)). I'm just here to hug you.

Moving sucks so incredibly royally that to me it would be exactly the same if I had to sell the house and move across town or sell the house and move to Detroit. We have been married 9 years and we have moved 10 times. I hate moving so much I can't think straight about it.

But there's something to be said for Daddy being home a lot and there's something to be said for not having to shell out money for Daddy flying back and forth. And there's something to be said for getting more room and getting out of the DAMN HEAT because I swear to do I would jump for JOY about getting out of the heat! Altho TX homeschooling laws rock the world, of course, as do the lack of state income taxes.

Have you guys figured it stuff like different property taxes? Like as not that will impact you a great big amount... for if you've had your TX house for a while and then you sell high and buy in Michigan you will be facing much higher property taxes, and you'll also have to deal with state income taxes.

Have you also figured in utilities? Altho I would imagine heating bills in TX in summer would actually outweigh cooling bills in Michigan in winter but what do I know.

So anyway big (((HUGS))) to you guys. I don't envy you having to make these choices.

~jo

No, I got it the first time. That's why I mentioned that we sold our house before the series of transitions pummelled us. It was the house we bought while I was pg w/ James. We bought it solely because it was... *sigh* just perfect. Community, layout, size, area, price. (Can I sigh again while I'm at it?) It's hard to let go of those things.

I guess what I didn't do (and ought to have) was to encourage you that you carry the seeds to plant and the power to fertilize all those things wherever you go. Well, except for the homeowner part - that'll have to wait until the right time again. (It is worth the wait, though, that much I can attest to!) Perhaps this new realization that these are things you can cherish and value will really come into play when it's time to buy your next home. Or perhaps your Forever Home! :-)

Dy, sounding far, far freakin' more chipper than I actually feel today, but every word is the truth, I swear.

Oh no, Dy, I *know* you get it. I think of you often, and everything you've done and been through in the past couple of years. But I *do* need to hear that I can decide to sell and leave a house I love (and all my friends!), and it will be fine.

I've always moved, all my life. But in the past ... 14 years or so, the moves have all either been local, or they've been temporary. We always had this house and community as our safety net. We actually did try to sell this house once, but it was only to move across town and even so, seeing that "For Sale" sign in the yard depressed me. It was wrong.

Lachlan was born in this house. He'll tell you, too: "I was born next to the TV."

But as Jeff said, the choice is really this: move, and keep a good job, or don't move and this job goes away, and who knows what and where the next one will be?

Jo - yeah, I won't complain about leaving the heat ;-) We're not planning on buying in Michigan. We're looking at this as a couple of years' long type of thing. Right now I can't imagine wanting to stay there long term; it's Very Far Away from everyone else. So property tax is not an issue. Income tax is, though. And my electric bills are HIGH in the Texas summer, so I'm hoping they're comparable to a Michigan winter ...

I had a great neighborhood and community at the last house I lived in. It was the first time I had ever had that: neighbors I liked, kids for my kids to play with, along with a perfect-sized house and lot. We moved to our home, to what seemed to be a more perfect house and more perfect lot so my kids could go to a more perfect school. And while I do love my house and lot, there is no community here. After more than five years, I only know two neighbors well, and I wouldn't call either of them good friends, just good neighbors. There are very few kids, the homes are all very private (heavily wooded), and we have to drive to get anywhere we want to go. I had no idea how much I'd miss the community we had before until we no longer had it. The problem as I see it is that unless you are moving into a neighborhood where you already know people, it's all a crapshoot. You can wind up with amazing new friends or you can wind up across the street from a meth lab.

And this is all on my mind now too, as I contemplate moving. Finances aren't everything, to be sure, but being in debt and/or struggling is not a fun thing to always have on your mind either. Good luck with your decision.

About five years ago we left a wonderful house with family all around. I know we made the right move, but still miss the Land of the Giants backyard we had. The relatives visit occasionally.

The kids have finally begun putting down roots and here we are contemplating more moving around. So far they have been very resilient but I wonder how much moving we can do before they resent it. On the other hand, the next move(s) intent is to get us back on track as a family. Commuting long distance is stressful for everyone. And the benefits of getting yourself in a good financial position, well, that's no small feat.

So, no advice here, just sympathy. It's tough, but your kids will bounce back. I think of all the service brats I know and marvel at how well they've transitioned constantly hopping from one place to another. If anything, it makes your family closer.

And happy belated b-day to you too.