(Yes, Mark, this is about homeschooling.)
Here in Chicago, I am constantly asked if the boys are in school. Even now, when it's summer. It's interesting: in Texas, I am very rarely asked about the boys' school, even when we're out shopping in the middle of the day during the school year. Are Midwesterners just more likely to ask that kind of thing? Are Texans more inclined to avoid personal questions?
For whatever reason we are asked nearly every time we go out in public. My answer varies, depending on the circumstances and my mood. I usually try to avoid getting into a homeschooling discussion, if for no other reason than that I cannot focus on being informative about homeschooling while I'm trying to watch all my kids in public.
Last weekend I took the kids to Ghirardelli's for a treat. A lady sat down next to us and began asking questions. Inevitably, she asked if they were in school. I told her that we homeschool. She confessed that she had long been fascinated with the idea of homeschooling, because she just didn't understand it. Her question was: "But how do they learn? If they're not in school, how do they learn things?"
I need to remember to learn to use the question "Why do you say that?" as a response. Unfortunately I was too busy trying to maintain damage control over four small boys with ice cream to be particularly articulate. Not to mention that her question stunned me.
How do they learn things? What a sad, sad commentary on our society, that people honestly believe that school is the only place you can learn, as if school is some magical place where the ingredients and incantations for knowledge are zapped into empty brains. As if a mind can only receive instruction with a certified teacher and an approved curriculum.
"Um ... we read," I think is the answer I gave her, while trying to keep the two year old from bouncing on his chair.
It's a stupid question. I don't think this nice lady was stupid; I think she was honestly trying to figure this homeschooling thing out, but she had too strong of a mental concept of "school" to allow her to think about education and knowledge. I wanted to ask her: "How do you learn?" but I have this default Southern upbringing that won't let me talk that way to strangers. (The next question was the also inevitable "But how do you know they're learning?" to which I explained, briefly, the benefits of one-on-one instruction.)
I'd like to be informative and enlightening when questioned about homeschooling. Not evangelical; I don't at all believe that homeschooling will work for everyone. I'm not out to crush the public school system (reform, yes). But a great deal of misconception, misinformation, and lack of thought regarding education, schools, and parents' rights exists, and I'd like to help do the educating. This country's education system needs help; only good can come out of discussing underlying theories of education and educational alternatives. I don't think quickly on my feet, though. Would it be rude to type up a homeschooling FAQ and carry it with me to hand out to questioners?
I'd like to think that I gave this lady some new ideas to think about regarding education. I'm afraid I just left her with the impression that I was a crazy woman trying to take on more than one person ought.
How would y'all answer the question: "But how do they learn?" if you didn't have time for a lengthy explanation, and you didn't want to be rude?
Posted by Steph at June 24, 2004 10:25 AMa homeschool faq - small enough to fit into your pocket. That would be brilliant. I might even volunteer to help you write it - but only if I get to be smarmy and sarcastic :)
Oklahoma homeschoolers put together a very nice one: http://oklahomahomeschooling.org/faq.htm Sorry if I spoiled Chris's fun.
Posted by: Daryl Cobranchi on June 24, 2004 05:30 PMI'll need a rather long scroll to carry that one around!
Posted by: Chris on June 24, 2004 07:49 PMHow do they learn?
How about:
"How don't they?" she replied with a grin. "My kids haven't learned that learning isn't cool. They soak up ideas like sponges. I buy programs from homeschooling catalogues, and we read together, work together, and talk together. Actually, when I think about it, homeschooled kids learn the same way adults learn."
Short, sweet, and covers a lot of ground.
Posted by: Sarah on June 24, 2004 08:34 PMHere's a Delaware FAQ in Word document format. Download file
I often use the hobby example. "How does an adult learn a new interest? Reading, observing, discussing, asking questions, watching videos, scouring the Internet, and most important getting his hands dirty for as long as he likes until he's satisfied. Surely, ma'am, you wouldn't deny a child such proven methods?"
Posted by: Tim Haas on June 24, 2004 09:08 PMSee? Online I would be smarmy and sarcastic. But my internal controls won't allow me to do that face to face (until I know you well ;-) That's the trouble with the Southern upbringing. I'm programmed to nod and smile and agree with you and say inane things, while the inner real person screams "WHY didn't you SAY something?" Are there 12-step programs for recovering from Southern social programming? If I do the program, can I still eat grits?
Sarah and Tim, those are good answers. I got the impression that this lady would have been happier hearing about test scores and official evaluations, of course. Have you noticed how people take deep breaths and relax if you mention testing? LOL
I may just have to write the pocket FAQ. I'd love to see your version, Chris.
Posted by: Stephanie on June 25, 2004 10:46 AMI have the Southern Social Programming Chip, too. I think I would have fallen out of my chair over that question, though.
"What do you mean?" sounds like a good response.
Posted by: Michelle on June 25, 2004 02:20 PMI find myself in very similar situations as you do -- and with the same problem of being trained not to "be rude". I try to answer ANY off-beat question with a wide smile and "Why do you ask?" just to give me more time to recover. Trying to manage my children in a public place while having any type of intelligent conversation is impossible for me, so forcing the other person into carrying the conversation is a necessity.
I've also been the one asking questions. I remember asking homeschoolers pointed questions because I just didn't understand, but I wanted to. The best answers usually were questions back at me.
One time, a close friend of mine asked a fellow homeschooler why she choose to homeschool and the homeschooler answered by asking my friend, "Why did you choose Phillips?" (the public school her daughters attended) My friend didn't know how to answer that question, because she had never thought of herself as choosing public education. She has become more open to homeschooling since she's had to think about her own choices.
Of course, the question the lady asked is very funny when you think that SHE was trying to learn about homeschooling in an ice cream parlor!
Posted by: Bridgette on June 27, 2004 11:18 AM"How do they learn?"
Learning is the acquiring of knowledge. Your children gain that knowledge by being given facts they didn't know before, by hearing ideas they have never heard before, and by having experiences they have never experienced before.
"How do you know they are learning?"
You spend time with them, talk to them. You hear them talk about those facts, ideas, and experiences. Then you hear them link two or more of those things to come up with something completely new that was never specifically taught to them.
That's how all of us learn, regardless of who does the schooling.